Don't Hate Me Because I Like Country Music

To Do List:

* call my agent to bug him about an audition appointment!

WOW! Bow down, lowly mortals! I just said "MY AGENT".

Let's not get too excited. I should clarify.

1) I'm not that excited about it.
2) I haven't been on an audition through him yet.
3) We're only freelancing.

But suffice it to say that a true legit agent saw me perform and CALLED ME IN TO HIS OFFICE and I wish I could say that they offered me the Miss America crown and fawned over me with palm leaves and told me again and again that I'm FABULOUS and then perhaps maybe offered me an herbal tea. Instead, it was more like:

AGENT: Laura, I would really love to work with you, what kind of roles do you think you're right for?

ME: *Names A Few Roles*

AGENT: Really? Can you...sing that high?

ME: Well. Um. Yeah that's kind of what I do best, I'm a legit soprano.

AGENT: REALLY!?!?!?!? Huh. That didn't cross my mind.

Well, good! I'm glad we're on the same page! This whole agent thing is going swimmingly! I'm already rich and famous so WHY bother talking about it?!

"It's a cold rain, it's a hard rain, like the kind you find in songs."

I just want to thank God for making me go back to get my umbrella before boarding the subway on the way to work today. I ALMOST went without it but then a booming voice from above came down and asked, "Don't you think those clouds look threatening? Isn't your blue umbrella SO pretty? Don't you want to take it with you just in case?"

Ooooo boy! That God guy knows what He's talking about because as soon as I came out of the train on 28th and 5th, it was TEEMING down rain and I had to walk to the office on 26th and 8th. You like how I said "the office", right? You think it makes me sound like I have A REAL job like a GROWN UP person, right!?!? Woo, how I fool y'all with my GENIUS!

What is not genius, you ask?

My office-appropriate pink pants getting soaked from the ankle down. I appreciate God trying to rehydrate the planet but I just would rather my pants not be involved because frankly, I like them dry. Love, Laura.

In other news, did you know you can save $0.87 when you order Vegetarian Chipotle over the regular, Carnivore Chipotle? It's true! And it's OH SO GOOD.

Also, what do we think of the new layout? I was SO OVER the dots. But yet, this is REALLY...bland. I was going to go even more stark by keeping it just black text with a white background. You can all blame my brother. He owes me a layout, much like he owes me a graduation/Christmas/23rd birthday gift. He thinks just because he has a JOB and a WIFE and a newly renovated HOUSE and shit that he can ignore me. God. It's so ridiculously unfair when people don't cater to my every need. Until Paul gets off his lazy butt, the layout stays. Feel free to comment and tell him how much I need a totally cool template for my totally cool hip blog. Go on. I dare you.

Which brings me to the fact that I AM STILL ON BLOGGER and unable to allow non-blogger users to comment which PISSES ME OFF! Christ, even LIVEJOURNAL lets people comment anonymously. Why not, blogger gods? Why not? I'm threatening to leave. I'm walking out on blogger. I want to start a mad love affair with typepad. But hey, let's face it, that wouldn't be the first TOTALLY IRREPONSIBLE SECRET LOVE AFFAIR I'VE EVER HAD, now would it?

Wow. This blog got lame, fast. I'm now frantically searching for a topic that does not involve the rumor mill or a livejournal or Chipotle.

And I'm coming up with zero. Damn. I am so not as cool as I thought I was.

Okay, stay tuned for regular Laura randomness, drama-free! Thanks for reading my blog everyone, even though I'm sleeping with all your boyfriends! WOO HOO! Peace!

And Now? The Spectrum Presents "The Life of Laura and Ashley: Part Une"

Yet another example of how people at 9-5 jobs rarely do any work whatsoever.

Chat With Ashley, via AIM, Approximately 2:30 pm

Ash: So, the hanging. Let it commence tonight.

Me: Okay, lemme know when/where.

Ash: Um, you are at 26 & 8th?

Ash: Do you want to meet at the snack shack? It's at 23rd and Madison Park and apparently IT. IS. AWESOME. So, I have not been there before and I take it you haven't either.

Me: OMG OMG OMG YES YES YES I HAVE HEARD SUCH GREAT THINGS

Ash: Also the cheapness of the snack shack, which I hear is off-the-charts cheap.

*Pause*

Ash: Also off-the charts? My earwax production, according to my ear doctor, whom I had to see this morning, and who proceeded to VACUUM EARWAX OUT OF MY EAR and because it is SO DISGUSTING I had to share it with you.

Me: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Are you The Sick?

Ash: No, but The Deaf when the earwax takes over my brain so now I can hear like EVERYTHING because of the vacuum in the ear canal thing and it is AMAZING. And also my doctor is really freaking cute.

Me: Get his number!

Ash: He is also middle-eastern-something. His name is like Alam Luwlkawi. I mean that's totally exactly it slash I have no fucking clue what his name was, but he was funny. And as he was doing the vacuuming, he kept saying "Wow, this is totally gross!"

Me: I love your segue into this conversation.

Ash: I had to bring it up because I am FASCINATED. Oh! and he told me to NEVER EVER EVER use q-tips

Me: OMG WHY!? I loveeeee q tips in my ears!

Ash: RIGHT?! MEEE TOOO! He said that they actually push the wax back in your ears and can cause (scary drum sounds) PERMANENT DAMAGE

Me: HOLY SHIT. That's scary.

Ash: And major blockages occur, and everyone is sad, and poor doctor Lallewarsi has to vacuum everyone's ears out, and what kind of shitty job would that be?

Me: So..you're just supposed to let the wax build and fall out?

Ash: Yes. That is it. Ew, and ew. So we are going to hang out tonight, yes?

Me: Yes, yes what time? I forgot what you said.

Ash: You are out at 5? So, how about 5:30.

Me: Ooo splendid. I shall go for a beautiful 5 pm walk to the shack. Shake shack? Or snack shack? Or shack shake shack?

Ash: I think you're right, shake shack. Shake-n-snack shack?

Me: Shack up shack?

Ash: YESSSS

Me: Shag 'n' snack shack? Shake 'n' shag shack?

Ash: How about just the LOVE SHACK (baby, love shack)

Me: TIN ROOF.

Me: Rusted.

Ash: And is it just me, or is "shack" the weirdest word in the world right now?

Me: Shack looks wrong. Damn, I am laughing outloud at this stupid company.

Ash: Sorry, at least you are hopefully making money?

Me: Yes, I am. For ONCE, I'm financially stable. GASP. So I'm gona sock it away and/or buy you a car.

Ash: HOORAY! Or maybe you could build a zipline that goes from my apartment to your apartment. That would be so convenient.

Me: I heart the zipline.

Ash: Did you ever do project adventure in high school? The zipline was like the final project, and it was awesome. But...sort of anticlimactic.

Me:I kind of want to zipline now.

Ash:I ALWAYS want to zipline

Me: We had a zipline on our 6th grade trip to Frost Valley and I couldn't do it because I broke my foot/arm and my gym teacher veto-ed my zipline action. I cried REALLY hard but on the inside? I was happy 'cuz I was freaking SCARED. It was like a zillion feet up in nature and shit.

Ash: Awww yeah I know but it was SO FUN and scary! Like a roller coaster. Lori and I lived on the top floor of our dorm sophomore year, and not only did we have to walk down a million flights of stairs to get to the ground floor, but then we had to walk up a GIANT STEEP HILL to get to the rest of campus because the dorm was like in a ditch... so we totally talked about making a zipline from our room to "sea level"

Me: SEA LEVEL! BRILLIANT. That sounds like a really bad workout video--down the stairs, up a huge ass hill, etc.

Ash: It was.

Me: Daaaaamn.

Ash: And I still didn't lose weight. WTF? Maybe because of all the ice cream we holed up in the room.

Ash: But probably not.

Ash: No, that had nothing to do with it.

Me: Nope, not at all.

Ash: Wutev. I like Chunky Monkey. So?

Me: Dude, Phish Food. All about it. Or 1) Anything involving cookie dough 2) Anything involving peanut butter 3g) Anything involving mint + chocolate chips

Ash: 3) anything involving brownie in any form (dough, batter, chunks). Maybe that's 4. I lost count cause I was drooling.

Me: Ooooooo brownie. So into warm brownie + cold ice cream.

Me: Why did I say cold ice cream? Isn't it a given that it's always cold?

Ash: Not if you're my brother, who used to mandate that his ice cream be microwaved because it was too cold.

Me: My little brother nukes his ice cream.

Ash: WEIRD!

Me: It's a little brother thing.

Ash: Must be a little brother thing.

Me: Those freaking FREAKS.

And on and on until we got on to other topics including life, love and relationships, kegstands and my crimped hair. (It really is crimped today. I don't know why.)

The End.
Peace.

Hanging Around The Water Cooler

I told myself I would FINALLY blog something, anything but all I really want to do is go to sleep for a few days. I'm done kvetching about how I don't have any money because voila! This has been a NON-STOP work week, the twins' nanny was out sick so I did a bit of covering there plus two temp assignments plus an audition. Not to mention, I was recovering from my BIRTHDAY EXTRAVAGANZA week! There are pretty pictures, one I will share with you now.

I went to DSW to find a new pair of running sneakers because I think I'm doing some serious foot damage. Anyway, I was up in the air between a pair of pink and gray New Balances or a silver and green Asics pair and I was really really stressing about it so I ended up going with neither and buying these instead.

The subway lighting makes them look awful but I promise they totally coordinated with my outfit. (Which included those new skinny jean type things, which I OBVIOUSLY DID NOT TUCK INTO MY BOOTS because SERIOUSLY WINTER IS OVER AND THAT IS A STUPID TREND ANYWAY!?) Ah hem. There are birthday pictures on flickr.

Temping is truly boring except when they let me play on the internet as they do now. At this particular company, I am simply required to 1) answer the phone 2) transfer calls 3) buzz people into the high security office 4) look cute and 5) sip water and sigh as if bored. The more I temp, the more I realize that the 9-5 world is a farce, particularly those offices that are set up as one huge room with multiple little cubicles and desks everywhere. Seriously? I have busted the "I Go To A Real Job" myth.

9:06 am: Most people rush in late.

9:14 am: They gather around the coffeepot to A) drink coffee and B) discuss the sports game, their latest vacation, the hectic subway commute

10:00 am: They get back to their cubicle and surf craigslist.org

10:15 am: They share crazy "Exotic Encounters" craigslist ads with others in the room

10:30 am: Someone talks about a meeting that may or may not happen or a business trip to somewhere.

10:34 am: Everyone begins to discuss how awful the last meeting/business trip went down, particularly Sue from the Jersey office who keeps asking the most irritating questions and can't seem to keep her "goddamn mouth shut"

11:00 am: Everyone starts wondering what they want for lunch. A debate between Vietnamese food and hummus wraps ensues. Coffee refill #2

11:34 am -12:12 pm: Coffee refill #3, the finalizing of who is going to lunch with who and where, one person faxes something and one by one everyone gets their coat and leaves.

1:28 pm: Everyone in the office is back, everyone in the office talks about lunch

2:07 pm: Most people can be found talking on the phone to their wives, who are having some sort of dire emergency with a) The plumbing b) the children in school c) nothing at all

2:40-3:45 pm: Coffee refills #4-#6, everyone goes to a training meeting where they pass around donuts and nod

Blah blah on and on. I just kind of sit and do Sudoku puzzles and read and SUCH. Been reading SUCH GREAT STUFF people. Holy. I'm serious. I need to update my movie/book list because there are good times to be had let me tell you.

Well, it is officially almost time for me to "take lunch" (Big Important Office Term) and vegetarian Chipotle could possibly be in order. We'll see. Until I think of something better to write about, check out my pretty new flickr pictures! Of my birthday! Of the blizzard 8 zillion months ago! (They are all in the same set - NYC 2006) Peace out high five!