"Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it."

My diploma came in the mail today. I walked in the door after work and was surprised to see it waiting for me in the stack of mail by the front door. The parcel stood out among the various credit card solicitations and bills. I was amazed that the university had taken to sending it out so quickly but then figured there had to be far less people graduating in December than in May.

I opened it carefully and removed the thin piece of paper from the package. Held between my two fingers was a piece of paper worth over $40,000. My name was spelled correctly and underneath it was listed "Bachelor of Fine Arts" and under that, very tiny gold lettering formed the words "summa cum laude".

After allowing my parents to gush over it for a few minutes (I am the first child to earn a degree), I placed it back inside the cardboard and brought it upstairs to my room. I set it down next to my bed, making a mental note to have it framed this weekend before the dog pees on it or I spill something on it. I changed quickly, pulling off my pinstripe pants and pulling on jeans, knowing I had just a few minutes to spare before I had to leave to teach a piano lesson. I threw the dressy clothes in a pile on the floor and went in to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

After that, I splashed some water on my face and thought of that piece of paper and all of the hard work I'd done to achieve it. I thought of the stress of 15 page research papers, the aches of four dance classes in a row and the amount of money I have taken out in loans that will demand to be paid back in just a few months. I thought of the cold of Buffalo, of the relationships found there and how I had driven away from that place two months ago and never looked back.

I've been uneasy wondering if my life will ever fall into place. I stress daily about money and insecurity and if I'm on the right path. I'm beginning to learn there is no "right" path--we just go down the one we think we want to and if it doesn't work out, we hop over to a different trail. At least...that's my plan.

I looked in the mirror as water dripped from my chin. A college graduate. It will take me an eternity to put into words all that I have learned in the past three and a half years. I let the drops fall into the sink and I smiled as I realized the feeling that had been stuck with me since I opened that important piece of mail. For a full several minutes, I had been proud of myself.

I grabbed a towel to pat my face, threw it on the bathroom counter and ran out of the house.

Peace.

It's Funnier Translated

Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

My friend Steve makes me laugh on a daily basis. This was his away message today:

"To the people at "Juicy Couture":
Yesterday, I saw a 12 year old at the mall wearing one of your belly shirts. It had "Juicy" in big words on the front. It made me nauseous. Please make the world a better place, and kill yourselves. Thanks. -Steve

Ah. Steve is a dear friend from college. We used to work the gym together. Basically, he'd run on the treadmill and pretend he was cool and I would listen to a mix CD of 80's Whitney Houston and early 90's Jock Jams. Another great thing about Steve is that his last name is Fecarotta. This wouldn't be too funny unless you knew, like I do, that "Fecarotta" in Italian means "Broken Vagina". Makes my last name look pretty damn awesome, eh?

Bits and Pieces

--My Bikram Yoga studio has moved!! This is very exciting because I no longer have to drive to Dix Hills to sweat for 90 minutes in a 107 degree room! I went in search of their new location last night hoping to make 6:30 class (in the pouring rain in the back roads of East Setauket) and got hopelessly lost. I still have not found it. This is very upsetting to both me and my back which desperately needs to be stretched, specifically in the Head-To-Knee pose.

--Due to the fact that I did not have any success finding the new yoga place, I treated myself to dinner at McNulty's Ice Cream Parlor: Mmmm soft vanilla with rainbow sprinkles for supper!

--I have a second job, as some of you may know, which I am currently starting next Thursday. I am teaching beginner piano and beginner voice lessons. My first student is a 5 and a half year old girl who has already been studying the piano for a year already. I gasped when I heard how young she was and then remembered that *I* started piano lessons when I was 5 so what is the big deal? Kids at that age retain information like crazy.

--I really enjoy eating lunch at places that ask for your name so that they can call it out when the food is ready. I almost always use a pseudonym at places like this. Most of the time I use overlooked names such as "Marguerite" or "Gwendolyn." Other times, I spice it up with a "Hildegarde" or "Dominique" or maybe just simply, "Trudy". This provides a tremendous amount of amusement for me and I suspect it generates some snickers behind the counter as the bewildered employees wonder silently to themselves, "Who on earth would give a perfectly healthy young girl the name Hossenfeffer?"

Side Note: This also works well when giving a name for a dinner reservation. A slight problem can occur if you are waiting more than 30 minutes and lose track of the name you gave them. When they call out "Yolanda, Party of 6", make sure you don't forget that it's you!

--My mother informed me that the priest's yellow canary died yesterday at the church where she works. It was sitting, dead, at the bottom of the cage with its eyes closed. After viewing the deceased canary, the secretary in the office declared that she could not eat a single Peep this Easter because poor Bernadette (the dead bird) looked just like the famous Easter marshmallow candy. My mother had to agree but then secretly told me that she would just swear off the yellow ones and freely indulge in the blue, purple and pink Peeps. This is also the woman who dined with me last night on soft vanilla ice cream and then had a biscotti, a cup of tea and THEN the main course, a tuna sandwich, for dinner.

--Regina gave birth last Saturday to an absolutely perfect baby girl, Lillian Elizabeth. I have yet to see the lovely little darling in person but I've seen a few lovely digital camera pictures from the delivery room and though she was indeed a bloody splotchy thing, no one can deny that she's STUNNING! Regina is one of the strongest women I know and I'm so happy to report that she's doing splendidly. I realize that even though pooping on the delivery table is on my list of Top 5 Fears of All Time, I would really really like to give birth someday. Pass the birthing tub if you please.

--I'm coming to terms with the fact that when other people achieve major milestones--marriage, babies, amazing jobs, I somehow temporarily feel invalidated. The feeling eventually passes and I'm able to be happy for them but I think it's so awful that I let things like that bother me even for a second. I'm going to work on convincing myself that even though I may not be doing anything tremendous right now, my life is still worthwhile. In due time, I will do great things and I have to continue to remember that every day I do small great things and that is okay. I have two jobs, I like yoga, I help others and I currently donate to help cure AIDS. I'm 21. I'm doing okay.

That is all.

PEACE!

You Catholic girls start much too late...

After all my ranting about giving, in less than a week, I already have living proof that if you give 10%, God will always provide.

Case in Point:

Yesterday, at work, Alex the Engineer wanted to know if I had any spare snacks because he had forgotten his breakfast. I lovingly offered up almost exactly 10 of my Multigrain Wheat Thins. This morning, Alex presented me with a gift in return for my generous donation:

A full package of Nutter Butter cookies.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is living proof that if you give 10% to the Lord or a needy Russian engineer, you will indeed be paid back tenfold. That is all.

Peace.