I Just Want You To Know...
I meant to post yesterday, to complete my second week as FREQUENT UPDATE LAURA! but I was busy sitting at a blues club in the Village drinking some Tom Collins.
Before you judge me, like my coworkers around me who did and before you point out that elderly people drink Tom Collins, like my cousin Tom who called while I was sipping, I want you to know that I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS DRINK. This drink? It chose me.
Alayna and I can't do vodka. It hurts her head. It hurts my soul. So we told the waitress this and asked for a suggestion, which seems to be the best way around the problem. It was THE WAITRESS who suggested a Tom Collins, a delightful Old Man drink with the most important ingredients: gin, soda, lemon and sugar. So basically, it's like drinking geriatric lemonade. Maybe the waitress was being sincere. Maybe she was making fun of us and looking to see if we were actually going to order that.
Naturally, at the mere mention of "GIN AND SUGAR" I was all, "I don't need to hear anything else. Please, lovely girl, gosh you're so young lookin', go fetch Nana some of that goodness and I will give you 50 cents to buy yourself somethin' nice."
So fetch us some Tom Collins she did. In fact, she fetched us three apiece. Before we parted ways, Alayna remarked at how well I held my liquor, especially considering that earlier, at dinner, I had two glasses of pinot grigio. Something similar happened at my birthday party, where everyone around me was stunned that I could stand on my own two feet after sipping alcohol all night long. I think it's because I never really drink. So when I do, people get very concerned. And by concerned, I mean that they grab the drink out of my hand and say, "Okay Big Girl! You've had enough!" And I stare at them completely sober and give them the finger.
But I'm learning that Nana can not only hold her liquor (IF I HAVE HAD A FULL MEAL BEFOREHAND! Very important!) she can also pull Alayna into an Italian pastry shop around midnight and buy her gelato, like a doting grandparent.
"I AM GETTING US READY FOR ITALY!" I announced and then ordered a scoop of chocolate chip.
"Thanks, mom," Alayna said, as I paid the boy at the cash register.
"No problem darling," I said, patting her shoulder and then, like any good grandmother/mother/old person who drinks a Tom Collins, I stumbled my way up Broadway until I found the N train.
I want you to know that I COULD HAVE WALKED A STRAIGHT LINE IF ASKED.
But no one asked me, so why not have a little fun and sway back and forth? Besides, I had my walker with me to support me in case anything happened.
Today, I'm thinking of going to the mall to power walk and then maybe take my grandkids to the park. Maybe I'll hit up The Early Bed special at Applebee's for dinner and then cruise on home in my Bonneville. I don't know, you guys, after last night, the sky's the limit and I may not look it, but I've still got a few good years left in me! WOOOOOOOOOT!
Before you judge me, like my coworkers around me who did and before you point out that elderly people drink Tom Collins, like my cousin Tom who called while I was sipping, I want you to know that I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS DRINK. This drink? It chose me.
Alayna and I can't do vodka. It hurts her head. It hurts my soul. So we told the waitress this and asked for a suggestion, which seems to be the best way around the problem. It was THE WAITRESS who suggested a Tom Collins, a delightful Old Man drink with the most important ingredients: gin, soda, lemon and sugar. So basically, it's like drinking geriatric lemonade. Maybe the waitress was being sincere. Maybe she was making fun of us and looking to see if we were actually going to order that.
Naturally, at the mere mention of "GIN AND SUGAR" I was all, "I don't need to hear anything else. Please, lovely girl, gosh you're so young lookin', go fetch Nana some of that goodness and I will give you 50 cents to buy yourself somethin' nice."
So fetch us some Tom Collins she did. In fact, she fetched us three apiece. Before we parted ways, Alayna remarked at how well I held my liquor, especially considering that earlier, at dinner, I had two glasses of pinot grigio. Something similar happened at my birthday party, where everyone around me was stunned that I could stand on my own two feet after sipping alcohol all night long. I think it's because I never really drink. So when I do, people get very concerned. And by concerned, I mean that they grab the drink out of my hand and say, "Okay Big Girl! You've had enough!" And I stare at them completely sober and give them the finger.
But I'm learning that Nana can not only hold her liquor (IF I HAVE HAD A FULL MEAL BEFOREHAND! Very important!) she can also pull Alayna into an Italian pastry shop around midnight and buy her gelato, like a doting grandparent.
"I AM GETTING US READY FOR ITALY!" I announced and then ordered a scoop of chocolate chip.
"Thanks, mom," Alayna said, as I paid the boy at the cash register.
"No problem darling," I said, patting her shoulder and then, like any good grandmother/mother/old person who drinks a Tom Collins, I stumbled my way up Broadway until I found the N train.
I want you to know that I COULD HAVE WALKED A STRAIGHT LINE IF ASKED.
But no one asked me, so why not have a little fun and sway back and forth? Besides, I had my walker with me to support me in case anything happened.
Today, I'm thinking of going to the mall to power walk and then maybe take my grandkids to the park. Maybe I'll hit up The Early Bed special at Applebee's for dinner and then cruise on home in my Bonneville. I don't know, you guys, after last night, the sky's the limit and I may not look it, but I've still got a few good years left in me! WOOOOOOOOOT!
2 Comments:
My first car was a bonneville. True Story! Cheers!
When I first began my on-again-off-again love affair with alcohol, I was temporarily obsessed with Tom Collins! (Tom Collinses?)
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