The Week Ends, The Week Begins
Do you know the 24-hour Eckerd plays "Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews Band at 3:12 in the morning?
NEITHER DID I.
The following conversation took place around 7:30 pm at a delicious Italian restaurant on 9th Avenue.
Laura: Speaking of which, I've been running to the bathroom all day! I can't stop peeing!
Alayna: Do you think it's an infection?
Laura: No. I know what that feels like. It hurts. This doesn't. This is just...all the time!
Alayna: It's an infection.
Laura: No! It's not! I pee all the time anyway. Today was just...more than usual.
Alayna: It's an infection.
Laura: No! No way! Couldn't be! Maybe I'm diabetic.
Alayna: Um.
Fast forward to 3:00 this morning.
The frequent urination is still occurring. So frequent in fact that I have to pee about 3 seconds after I flush the toilet, as in, I'm walking back to bed from the bathroom and before I even lay down, I HAVE TO GO AGAIN. This leads me to the very intelligent conclusion that I do indeed have an infection, a urinary tract infection to be precise. The frequent urination is a clue. Oh and also? Now, when I pee, it feels like I'm peeing fire. Wait. No. Flames. Yes. Flames that contain rusty nails.
So a little while ago, I jumped in the car and drove down the street to Eckerd. I wouldn't normally drive to the drugstore five blocks away but you know, my urethra's on fire and it's early in the morning and I don't know, it could be unsafe. But you know what? Oddly enough, the people who frequent the 24-hour Eckerd are totally sane. They included a police officer and a guy buying a Score bar. I LOVE SCORE BARS! And also, peeing that doesn't cause me to double over in agony.
I went straight to the chick section of the store in search of some over the counter UTI medication. And by "straight to", I mean first, I stopped in the dental aisle and deliberated for about five minutes over which brand of floss to buy. I was fighting back tears and also fighting the urge to urinate in a public place and yet all I could think about was, floss! I ran out of floss! If I don't get floss, then I won't floss tomorrow morning and I may get a cavity and then all my teeth will fall out and I will die alone in a house with many cats. And this, my friends, is why I have a therapist.
UTI's are, unfortunately, not new to me. Inexplicably, at some point during my sophomore year of college, I got one off and on for about three months. And then, they disappeared, never to be seen again. In fact, one of my best stories involves leaving an acting class due to a particularly wretched UTI. No, I can't tell you that story because my mother is already burying her face in her hands and muttering REALLY? You told the internet about PEE? SERIOUSLY?
Yes. But only because it is almost four in the morning now and I can't sleep because I'm waiting for this medication to kick in. So I'm going to take the experts advice and write about what I know and right now, I know about urinary tract infections. I just do. So I will sit here and write about it and eat cold leftover whole wheat linguine, which reminds me of Alayna, hello! YES! It was an infection! You were right! Who knew!?
Sigh.
Dudes, this hurts. For real. Also, for some reason, I have a sudden burst of energy. I was surprised at how eagerly I jumped at the chance to go hang out in the drugstore at 3 am. Granted, it was probably my survival instinct kicking in, telling me to get in the car or risk dying in my very own bed from agonizing pain, but whatever! I feel hip and cool, awake so late/early. It makes me want to do something crazy and fun. Like, vacuum. Or read Glamour magazine.
Actually, I may just finish up my pasta and go sit in bed and continue reading Harry Potter. I've decided to reread only books 5 and 6 in preparation for the final installment which comes out in just about a month now. It's funny what happens when I pick up those books. For one, I've only read #'s 5 and 6 once through so I completely forget what even HAPPENS because I'm stupid. But also, I realize I've forgotten how much I love Harry Potter. Not the boy himself, I mean, duh, of course, big super girly crush! but just J.K. Rowling and her storytelling and the idea of it all. It takes me back to the first summer I found him and how I plowed through the first three at lightning speed.
It's too bad that reading Harry Potter makes people satan worshippers. SIGH.
I can't wait to see how it ends. Also, I can't wait to see my pee turn orange which is a startling yet fascinating side effect of the medication I ingested about twenty-five minutes ago. I'll let you know how it turns out. I know you're on the edge of your seat in anticipation. And also, that I may have pushed my mother off the deep end with this very too personal entry. But I suppose, with this blog, you get me, the neurotic girl who buys dental products just in the very moment when she is absolutely sure that she is near imminent death, very very positive in fact that in just a few seconds, her bladder is going to ignite in a burst of molten lava and that's where she will be found the next morning, splayed across Aisle Four, clutching a container of Easy Glide Floss.
NEITHER DID I.
The following conversation took place around 7:30 pm at a delicious Italian restaurant on 9th Avenue.
Laura: Speaking of which, I've been running to the bathroom all day! I can't stop peeing!
Alayna: Do you think it's an infection?
Laura: No. I know what that feels like. It hurts. This doesn't. This is just...all the time!
Alayna: It's an infection.
Laura: No! It's not! I pee all the time anyway. Today was just...more than usual.
Alayna: It's an infection.
Laura: No! No way! Couldn't be! Maybe I'm diabetic.
Alayna: Um.
Fast forward to 3:00 this morning.
The frequent urination is still occurring. So frequent in fact that I have to pee about 3 seconds after I flush the toilet, as in, I'm walking back to bed from the bathroom and before I even lay down, I HAVE TO GO AGAIN. This leads me to the very intelligent conclusion that I do indeed have an infection, a urinary tract infection to be precise. The frequent urination is a clue. Oh and also? Now, when I pee, it feels like I'm peeing fire. Wait. No. Flames. Yes. Flames that contain rusty nails.
So a little while ago, I jumped in the car and drove down the street to Eckerd. I wouldn't normally drive to the drugstore five blocks away but you know, my urethra's on fire and it's early in the morning and I don't know, it could be unsafe. But you know what? Oddly enough, the people who frequent the 24-hour Eckerd are totally sane. They included a police officer and a guy buying a Score bar. I LOVE SCORE BARS! And also, peeing that doesn't cause me to double over in agony.
I went straight to the chick section of the store in search of some over the counter UTI medication. And by "straight to", I mean first, I stopped in the dental aisle and deliberated for about five minutes over which brand of floss to buy. I was fighting back tears and also fighting the urge to urinate in a public place and yet all I could think about was, floss! I ran out of floss! If I don't get floss, then I won't floss tomorrow morning and I may get a cavity and then all my teeth will fall out and I will die alone in a house with many cats. And this, my friends, is why I have a therapist.
UTI's are, unfortunately, not new to me. Inexplicably, at some point during my sophomore year of college, I got one off and on for about three months. And then, they disappeared, never to be seen again. In fact, one of my best stories involves leaving an acting class due to a particularly wretched UTI. No, I can't tell you that story because my mother is already burying her face in her hands and muttering REALLY? You told the internet about PEE? SERIOUSLY?
Yes. But only because it is almost four in the morning now and I can't sleep because I'm waiting for this medication to kick in. So I'm going to take the experts advice and write about what I know and right now, I know about urinary tract infections. I just do. So I will sit here and write about it and eat cold leftover whole wheat linguine, which reminds me of Alayna, hello! YES! It was an infection! You were right! Who knew!?
Sigh.
Dudes, this hurts. For real. Also, for some reason, I have a sudden burst of energy. I was surprised at how eagerly I jumped at the chance to go hang out in the drugstore at 3 am. Granted, it was probably my survival instinct kicking in, telling me to get in the car or risk dying in my very own bed from agonizing pain, but whatever! I feel hip and cool, awake so late/early. It makes me want to do something crazy and fun. Like, vacuum. Or read Glamour magazine.
Actually, I may just finish up my pasta and go sit in bed and continue reading Harry Potter. I've decided to reread only books 5 and 6 in preparation for the final installment which comes out in just about a month now. It's funny what happens when I pick up those books. For one, I've only read #'s 5 and 6 once through so I completely forget what even HAPPENS because I'm stupid. But also, I realize I've forgotten how much I love Harry Potter. Not the boy himself, I mean, duh, of course, big super girly crush! but just J.K. Rowling and her storytelling and the idea of it all. It takes me back to the first summer I found him and how I plowed through the first three at lightning speed.
It's too bad that reading Harry Potter makes people satan worshippers. SIGH.
I can't wait to see how it ends. Also, I can't wait to see my pee turn orange which is a startling yet fascinating side effect of the medication I ingested about twenty-five minutes ago. I'll let you know how it turns out. I know you're on the edge of your seat in anticipation. And also, that I may have pushed my mother off the deep end with this very too personal entry. But I suppose, with this blog, you get me, the neurotic girl who buys dental products just in the very moment when she is absolutely sure that she is near imminent death, very very positive in fact that in just a few seconds, her bladder is going to ignite in a burst of molten lava and that's where she will be found the next morning, splayed across Aisle Four, clutching a container of Easy Glide Floss.
4 Comments:
You should know by now that I am always right. Sorry you're in pain. Feel better soon.
I peed in my pants when I read your entry...which really pissed me off...
Um, Laura? You must have forgotten rule #3:
"Alcohol does not kill germs or render sperm harmless on prom night or any other night"
Now go drink a gallon of cranberry juice will ya?
OH MY GOD I FORGOT THAT VERY IMPORTANT POINT.
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