How Therapy Is Going
First Session.
Weather: Pouring rain.
Environment: Sitting on decidedly un-vegan leather couch.
Equipment: Hot peppermint tea.
Dr. X: So, it just seems like your confidence level is dependent on other people's approval.
Laura: Um, yes. All signs point to yes.
Dr. X: And that has always been the case?
Laura: No, not at all! I just always tried to bring home perfect straight-A report cards and always go to church. Well, no. I couldn't JUST go to church, I went to church and youth group and sang in the choir and went on retreats and stuff. And of course I always wanted everyone to like me, everyone, all the time, to the point of badgering people. Hm. And then there was college, I think there was a point when I attempted 26 credits in one semester, you know, so I could prove that I belonged there and was doing a good job and...
Dr. X: (staring at me intently)
Laura: Um. Well. I'm guessing yes, that has always been the case.
Dr. X: Hmm.
Laura: So, how do I build self-confidence that is not dependent on the approval of others?
Dr. X: You take risks. You challenge yourself. You do things you are too scared to do.
Laura: Okay.
*pause*
Laura: I'm moving to Africa.
Dr. X: That's...not entirely necessary.
Laura: Oh.
Session 2, a week later.
Weather: Pouring rain outside AGAIN.
Equipment: Iced Soy Latte, Tissues, Panicky Attitude.
Dr. X: And what about that makes you uncomfortable?
Laura: (exploding, clutching handful of tissues, obviously distraught) EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.
Dr. X: Because...
Laura: Because that's not how it is SUPPOSED TO GO! It is supposed to be like this and this and this and this because I SAY SO. And when it doesn't DO that, I freak out! Because I need order! I need security! I need to know what's going on! I need money! For a house! And babies before I'm 38 because, you know Down's Syndrome! Just, BECAUSE! BECAUSE I NEED IT TO BE THAT WAY.
Dr. X: Well. It's not that way.
Laura: (sniffles pathetically) I know.
Dr. X: And so, what will happen if it doesn't go the way you want it to? If THINGS don't go the way you plan them?
Laura: I will die alone in a house full of cats.
Dr. X: I...
*pause*
Dr. X: (continuing) I am going to say something and I don't want it to sound demeaning. You understand that?
Laura: Yes.
Dr. X: I don't want you to think that it's demeaning because I'm just...I'm just feeding what you're giving me back to you. You understand that?
Laura: Yes?
Dr. X: It's just that...the way you think...well...the way you lay things out in your mind...it's very...interesting.
Laura: *blows nose* Thank you. I feel like I've had a lot to say.
Dr. X: Recently?
Laura: No, just for, like, twenty years.
Session 3.
Weather: Drizzling rain for the THIRD WEEK IN A ROW.
Equipment: Iced soy latte, tissues, plus peppermint candies out of Dr. X's candy bowl.
Laura and Dr. X talk about psychological issues for about thirty minutes. And then the conversation takes a turn.
Dr. X: So, you have an audition today?
Laura: Yes.
Dr. X: What are you going to sing?
Laura: A very special song.
Dr. X: That sounds wonderful.
Laura: I'm REALLY right for this part.
Dr. X: That's great!
Laura: Well, yeah. Great until I get there and they say I'm too tall.
Dr. X: *staring intently, probably waiting for me to say something incredibly revealing. As usual, he is correct.*
Laura: Do you know that in the past month, I've been denied an audition appointment and/or been denied a callback for a show or a ROLE in a show that I am perfect for in EVERY SINGLE WAY except height, on at least FIVE SEPARATE OCCASIONS?
Dr. X: How tall ARE you?
Laura: 5'5.
Dr. X: That's not that tall.
Laura: That's what my mom says. But I have long limbs and it makes me look taller. Anyway. Apparently the cut-off for every single thing right now is about 5'4.
Dr. X: And this upsets you.
Laura: Yes.
Dr. X: Because.
Laura: Because I'm frustrated and disappointed and I feel like I am never going to book a show ever again in my entire life because my dad gave me long legs that extend my figure and so when I dress up in a dress and heels, I look about 6'5 and it's all thanks to my dad and I'm not angry at my dad, no because I LOVE HIM AND OH LORD I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE.
Dr. X: He's dying?
Laura: No. He's pretty healthy actually. He likes wearing a Math-a-thon t-shirts and sipping an algae vitamin concoction twice a day.
Dr. X: Hmm.
Laura: THE POINT IS: it is very disheartening and I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and DO something about it. Take action. Take risks.
Dr. X: Good idea.
Laura: Yes.
*pause*
Laura: Well. Not right now.
Dr. X: No?
Laura: No. Today I want to feel sorry for myself and go find the other girls that are shorter than me and break their legs.
Dr. X: We're...just about out of time for this week.
Laura: Do you ever mind sitting in that chair and listening to people ramble?
Dr. X: No. Everyone's different.
Laura: And am I still interesting?
Dr. X: Yes.
Laura: Good. That is all I needed to know.
*pause*
Laura: I'm seeking approval again, aren't I?
Dr. X: I'll see you at the same time next week.
Weather: Pouring rain.
Environment: Sitting on decidedly un-vegan leather couch.
Equipment: Hot peppermint tea.
Dr. X: So, it just seems like your confidence level is dependent on other people's approval.
Laura: Um, yes. All signs point to yes.
Dr. X: And that has always been the case?
Laura: No, not at all! I just always tried to bring home perfect straight-A report cards and always go to church. Well, no. I couldn't JUST go to church, I went to church and youth group and sang in the choir and went on retreats and stuff. And of course I always wanted everyone to like me, everyone, all the time, to the point of badgering people. Hm. And then there was college, I think there was a point when I attempted 26 credits in one semester, you know, so I could prove that I belonged there and was doing a good job and...
Dr. X: (staring at me intently)
Laura: Um. Well. I'm guessing yes, that has always been the case.
Dr. X: Hmm.
Laura: So, how do I build self-confidence that is not dependent on the approval of others?
Dr. X: You take risks. You challenge yourself. You do things you are too scared to do.
Laura: Okay.
*pause*
Laura: I'm moving to Africa.
Dr. X: That's...not entirely necessary.
Laura: Oh.
Session 2, a week later.
Weather: Pouring rain outside AGAIN.
Equipment: Iced Soy Latte, Tissues, Panicky Attitude.
Dr. X: And what about that makes you uncomfortable?
Laura: (exploding, clutching handful of tissues, obviously distraught) EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE.
Dr. X: Because...
Laura: Because that's not how it is SUPPOSED TO GO! It is supposed to be like this and this and this and this because I SAY SO. And when it doesn't DO that, I freak out! Because I need order! I need security! I need to know what's going on! I need money! For a house! And babies before I'm 38 because, you know Down's Syndrome! Just, BECAUSE! BECAUSE I NEED IT TO BE THAT WAY.
Dr. X: Well. It's not that way.
Laura: (sniffles pathetically) I know.
Dr. X: And so, what will happen if it doesn't go the way you want it to? If THINGS don't go the way you plan them?
Laura: I will die alone in a house full of cats.
Dr. X: I...
*pause*
Dr. X: (continuing) I am going to say something and I don't want it to sound demeaning. You understand that?
Laura: Yes.
Dr. X: I don't want you to think that it's demeaning because I'm just...I'm just feeding what you're giving me back to you. You understand that?
Laura: Yes?
Dr. X: It's just that...the way you think...well...the way you lay things out in your mind...it's very...interesting.
Laura: *blows nose* Thank you. I feel like I've had a lot to say.
Dr. X: Recently?
Laura: No, just for, like, twenty years.
Session 3.
Weather: Drizzling rain for the THIRD WEEK IN A ROW.
Equipment: Iced soy latte, tissues, plus peppermint candies out of Dr. X's candy bowl.
Laura and Dr. X talk about psychological issues for about thirty minutes. And then the conversation takes a turn.
Dr. X: So, you have an audition today?
Laura: Yes.
Dr. X: What are you going to sing?
Laura: A very special song.
Dr. X: That sounds wonderful.
Laura: I'm REALLY right for this part.
Dr. X: That's great!
Laura: Well, yeah. Great until I get there and they say I'm too tall.
Dr. X: *staring intently, probably waiting for me to say something incredibly revealing. As usual, he is correct.*
Laura: Do you know that in the past month, I've been denied an audition appointment and/or been denied a callback for a show or a ROLE in a show that I am perfect for in EVERY SINGLE WAY except height, on at least FIVE SEPARATE OCCASIONS?
Dr. X: How tall ARE you?
Laura: 5'5.
Dr. X: That's not that tall.
Laura: That's what my mom says. But I have long limbs and it makes me look taller. Anyway. Apparently the cut-off for every single thing right now is about 5'4.
Dr. X: And this upsets you.
Laura: Yes.
Dr. X: Because.
Laura: Because I'm frustrated and disappointed and I feel like I am never going to book a show ever again in my entire life because my dad gave me long legs that extend my figure and so when I dress up in a dress and heels, I look about 6'5 and it's all thanks to my dad and I'm not angry at my dad, no because I LOVE HIM AND OH LORD I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE.
Dr. X: He's dying?
Laura: No. He's pretty healthy actually. He likes wearing a Math-a-thon t-shirts and sipping an algae vitamin concoction twice a day.
Dr. X: Hmm.
Laura: THE POINT IS: it is very disheartening and I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and DO something about it. Take action. Take risks.
Dr. X: Good idea.
Laura: Yes.
*pause*
Laura: Well. Not right now.
Dr. X: No?
Laura: No. Today I want to feel sorry for myself and go find the other girls that are shorter than me and break their legs.
Dr. X: We're...just about out of time for this week.
Laura: Do you ever mind sitting in that chair and listening to people ramble?
Dr. X: No. Everyone's different.
Laura: And am I still interesting?
Dr. X: Yes.
Laura: Good. That is all I needed to know.
*pause*
Laura: I'm seeking approval again, aren't I?
Dr. X: I'll see you at the same time next week.
14 Comments:
Um, when I stop laughing because this was so fun to read, we'll talk. Not that I don't take you seriously, but your pauses and the whole narration is just too funny!
Ha! I'm gonna save you some money here... you're certifiable. Well, not really.
And try being 6' tall. When I dress up in heels I look like a drag queen. Although my calves aren't as big as your Dad's. But almost.
Damn Dlug genes.
Did you ever think about becoming a playwright? 'Cause your timing and stage directions are impeccable. Maybe it just comes from reading so many scripts over so many years.
This is one comedy that I'd totally pay to see! (And I have a general rule about paying for play tickets, it goes like this: I don't.)
Ashley- HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Just. HA. You so funny.
And Deanna, maybe you should match the color of your lip liner and lipstick and try less false eyelashes and no more orange blush and then MAYBE you wouldn't look like such a drag queen.
And those Dlug calves...*SIGH*
Debbie and I BOTH inherited them and yes, they are roughly the size of tree trunks.
They, Laura and Deb, may have their dad's calves BUT, thank the Lord, they didn't get their mom's big butt!
Certifiable you say, Deanna? Hmmm, don't look over your shoulder coz the Dlug gene pool is overflowing!
Tee hee
I like big butts...
I know, Rita, that's what I'm saaaying.
Laura,
Keep the cats down to 2, or maybe 3 (after age 45). And you are not too tall--the bastards are just jealous and want to stymie your career. You're a hoofer besides, or you look like one. How many times did Tommy Tune get told he was too tall? So you go girl, and keep at it--and I don't mean just the stage. This shrink bit is a good start on a play and you have a delighted test audience. You got a gift for dialogue, young lady. Your fan, Hal
For the record, I am just biting my damn tongue right now...
Although...
It is good to see the page moving away from gas, UTIs, and vegan recipes and back into straight neuroses, which is frankly exactly why I read this page.
Have you talked with the therapist about your little steak knife fetish? Might open a few doors.
I have NO idea why TWO of our children have knife fetishes...must be that OTHER side of the family...
OR it could be that time I came into their bedroom, one dark stormy night, and slowing made my way to the bedside of Laura and just as I was about to...oh, never mind...the psycho gene is dominant on both sides!
I just want to respond to 'anonymous's post and say that I have seen Tommy Tune in person twice in the past month.
He is effing TAAAAALLLLLLLL.
And it's weird that we frequent the same places. Like, for example, where I work. That is all.
Seriously, Rita, we ought to trade notes. I mean, she's already cut some poor kid at Radio Shack, and she's threatened to "knife" me on three non-consecutive occasions. I'm scared for my family, I'm scared for my friends, hell, I'm scared for ME.
Oh please, SUCK IT UP. I don't cut THAT hard or that deep.
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