You Can't Stop The Beat
We got my mother tickets to see "Hairspray" for her birthday. You see how my amazing "Mom's 50th Birthday" plans became an all-out celebrate my mother EXTRAVAGANZA that never ends? I know, I know. It's genius. Anyway, I called her after the show tonight to see how she liked it. The answer? A lot. Then she put my dad on the phone.
Dad: LAWRA!
Laura: Hey dad! You like the show?
Dad: It was SO GOOD! Betta than Wicked!
Mom (In The Background): He thinks anything is better than Wicked.
Laura: Yeah. You hate Wicked. I know. Okay. So, show was good?
Dad: I really liked the...the choreography and we sat right in the MIDDLE, those seats were AWESOME and the dancing and the singing and oh man, it was CATCHY.
Ah, my friends. This is why I do musical theatre. Because it is catchy.
I've been getting a lot of exciting packages in the mail and by packages, I mean heaping amounts of information on my new health insurance. It kicks in on April 1st and apparently, there's a lot to go through. It doesn't make any sense to me since I don't speak "adult". All I know is that soon, life will be AMAZING because I can go to the dentist and get screened for chlamydia and stuff. Also, I can get back into therapy.
I have very specific requirements for a therapist. One is that a box of tissues is always present for my session for I tend to blubber about my happy childhood like you wouldn't BELIEVE and two is that the therapist herself is good looking. Everything else is negotiable.
The first topic I want to discuss with my therapist revolves around how I read magazines. I subscribe to three very important magazines : Vanity Fair, Vogue and Shape. This means that I read a LOT of liberal journalism and constantly feel inadequate about my body. It works really well since I'm a New Yorker and all. The thing is: I do not like to read magazines that I don't read on a regular basis.
*The exception to this is Glamour because Glamour gives me important life information like how to wear my hair on a date and which shade of lipstick compliments my skin tone. Glamour does this while simultaneously avoiding Cosmo-esque articles on sexual positions and how to please men. So. To paraphrase: Glamour makes me hip and in-the-know. Cosmo makes you white trashy.
So back to my therapist. I'm going to tell her that I do not like reading magazines that I do not read on a regular basis. She will perhaps ask me why this is so. I will reply that it's because I love reading the "Feedback" section where readers comment on articles from the previous issues. (This is particularly fun in Vanity Fair, where you can always catch irate Republicans writing in to say that the magazine is total liberal propaganda bullshit and I always laugh because DUH REPUBLICANS, this is why I read it!)
Anyway. The point of making this point is: I like reading the letters that people write and I like comparing how they interpreted or were offended or were encouraged by a certain article from last month. I think about how *I* reacted to it. I like juxtaposing our thoughts. The problem with just picking up a magazine off a newstand is that I probably didn't read the previous month's issue. Therefore, when I get to the letters section, I can't possibly understand which articles they are referencing and this upsets me. It bothers me greatly because I don't know what they're talking about and I ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT, ALWAYS, IS IT ME? ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? ARE YOU POINTING AND LAUGHING AT ME?
So. I think that will cover the first session and we'll make some pretty good progress. Ah, April 1st. You cannot come soon enough. Let's hope I don't get chlamydia before then. That would totally suck.
Dad: LAWRA!
Laura: Hey dad! You like the show?
Dad: It was SO GOOD! Betta than Wicked!
Mom (In The Background): He thinks anything is better than Wicked.
Laura: Yeah. You hate Wicked. I know. Okay. So, show was good?
Dad: I really liked the...the choreography and we sat right in the MIDDLE, those seats were AWESOME and the dancing and the singing and oh man, it was CATCHY.
Ah, my friends. This is why I do musical theatre. Because it is catchy.
I've been getting a lot of exciting packages in the mail and by packages, I mean heaping amounts of information on my new health insurance. It kicks in on April 1st and apparently, there's a lot to go through. It doesn't make any sense to me since I don't speak "adult". All I know is that soon, life will be AMAZING because I can go to the dentist and get screened for chlamydia and stuff. Also, I can get back into therapy.
I have very specific requirements for a therapist. One is that a box of tissues is always present for my session for I tend to blubber about my happy childhood like you wouldn't BELIEVE and two is that the therapist herself is good looking. Everything else is negotiable.
The first topic I want to discuss with my therapist revolves around how I read magazines. I subscribe to three very important magazines : Vanity Fair, Vogue and Shape. This means that I read a LOT of liberal journalism and constantly feel inadequate about my body. It works really well since I'm a New Yorker and all. The thing is: I do not like to read magazines that I don't read on a regular basis.
*The exception to this is Glamour because Glamour gives me important life information like how to wear my hair on a date and which shade of lipstick compliments my skin tone. Glamour does this while simultaneously avoiding Cosmo-esque articles on sexual positions and how to please men. So. To paraphrase: Glamour makes me hip and in-the-know. Cosmo makes you white trashy.
So back to my therapist. I'm going to tell her that I do not like reading magazines that I do not read on a regular basis. She will perhaps ask me why this is so. I will reply that it's because I love reading the "Feedback" section where readers comment on articles from the previous issues. (This is particularly fun in Vanity Fair, where you can always catch irate Republicans writing in to say that the magazine is total liberal propaganda bullshit and I always laugh because DUH REPUBLICANS, this is why I read it!)
Anyway. The point of making this point is: I like reading the letters that people write and I like comparing how they interpreted or were offended or were encouraged by a certain article from last month. I think about how *I* reacted to it. I like juxtaposing our thoughts. The problem with just picking up a magazine off a newstand is that I probably didn't read the previous month's issue. Therefore, when I get to the letters section, I can't possibly understand which articles they are referencing and this upsets me. It bothers me greatly because I don't know what they're talking about and I ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT, ALWAYS, IS IT ME? ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? ARE YOU POINTING AND LAUGHING AT ME?
So. I think that will cover the first session and we'll make some pretty good progress. Ah, April 1st. You cannot come soon enough. Let's hope I don't get chlamydia before then. That would totally suck.
2 Comments:
"At your age, you're going to start having urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you *will* get Chlamydia... and die."
God, I love that movie. And you.
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