The Hell!?
To The Impotent Jerk Who Broke Into My Ebay Account And Listed 49 Pairs of Jeans For Sale and Then Changed The Password:
I'm not sure I understand your motives here, sir.
You break into my ebay account.
You list 49 New Rock and Republic Jeans that I'm supposedly "selling".
Then what? People buy them and send you the money instead of me? How does that work? Can't you get your own account?! Or better yet, maybe you just stand by and watch people bid on items that I don't have? Just for kicks? And then *I* get in trouble when it turns out that the stupid jeans don't exist and I don't have any product to send anyone? And you sit there and grin like the Grinch?
Asshat.
But really, I'd like to give you some credit and assume there was something illegal going on, probably having to do with money. And I respect that because you know, go big or go home and all that. But why don't you go launder money somewhere else? In fact, it's probably a lot easier and less time consuming than breaking into my ebay account a few days before Christmas. Seriously.
Forgive me if I seem a little peeved but it's the holiday season and thanks to your contemptible ways, I opened my inbox and found 57 new messages that I had to deal with. Three of those messages were from dear friends. Four were from online stores warning me that I only have a few days left to shop. One message was alerting me to the wonders of penis enlargement, which I took very seriously, and the other 49 e-mails were confirming my listings on ebay. 49. Duuuuude. That SUCKS.
You must have spent a lot of time individually listing all of those beautiful items after SURREPTITIOUSLY FIGURING OUT MY PASSWORD AND BREAKING IN without my knowledge or consent!
(New Year's 2005 Resolution #293:Use "surreptitious" in a sentence.)
And here's where I start to get upset because let's be honest: my password on my ebay account is my old e-mail password. It has sentimental value. Back when I was 14, my parents experimented with a trial version of AOL, my first ever worldwide web experience. I used this password for just about EVERYTHING. Hell, if it makes you feel worse, I'm going to just admit right here and now that my first ever AOL screenname was L24601rent.
If you didn't quite catch that and if I need to mortify myself further, I will break it down for you: that would be "L" for Laura, "24601" for Jean Valjean's number in prison and "rent" because I used to think musicals about AIDS were good ideas. This probably has nothing to do with what I'm talking about but isn't that an AMAZING story!?
(New Year's 2005 Resolution #12, 27, 43-179:Mortify Self On Blog By Talking About Adolescence.)
You know, I don't even remember what the password stands for? It's a jumble of letters that do not form a pronounceable word. I don't know what it means. All I know is that I had it for almost TEN YEARS and now because of YOU I have to CHANGE IT. Just like L24601rent, little pieces of my teenhood, dying every single day because of YOU.
I have to change tons of passwords to different websites now because God knows where else you might be lurking. And sir, this just pains me to the core because, I don't know, I'm not good with change. And I'm afraid you're out there somewhere. Just waiting. Waiting for me to change the password again. So you can break back in and steal all $142.67 in my bank account. And this makes me feel VIOLATED.
And kind of special because hey! I'm cool enough for identity theft! Ka CHING!
But I suggest you go elsewhere because you made me very angry. Okay, not really angry. Perhaps, miffed? No matter. At least the ebay execs caught you and sent me an e-mail telling me you are going to stay behind bars for a very long time.
Actually, no, they just said that some "third party" broke in and they restored the security and safety on my account so...whatever it's kind of the same thing as jail.
So, have a blessed holiday. I bet you bought your kids some really nice gifts with all the money you stole from poor unsuspecting ebay bidders. And if you didn't, then you're going to have to explain to your children that there are no gifts this year just like there is no Santa, because daddy is a HEARTLESS ROBBER OF IDENTITY AND EBAY ACCOUNTS.
Tidings of Comfort and Joy,
~Laura
(New Year's 2005 Resolution #2:Feel Validated.)
I'm not sure I understand your motives here, sir.
You break into my ebay account.
You list 49 New Rock and Republic Jeans that I'm supposedly "selling".
Then what? People buy them and send you the money instead of me? How does that work? Can't you get your own account?! Or better yet, maybe you just stand by and watch people bid on items that I don't have? Just for kicks? And then *I* get in trouble when it turns out that the stupid jeans don't exist and I don't have any product to send anyone? And you sit there and grin like the Grinch?
Asshat.
But really, I'd like to give you some credit and assume there was something illegal going on, probably having to do with money. And I respect that because you know, go big or go home and all that. But why don't you go launder money somewhere else? In fact, it's probably a lot easier and less time consuming than breaking into my ebay account a few days before Christmas. Seriously.
Forgive me if I seem a little peeved but it's the holiday season and thanks to your contemptible ways, I opened my inbox and found 57 new messages that I had to deal with. Three of those messages were from dear friends. Four were from online stores warning me that I only have a few days left to shop. One message was alerting me to the wonders of penis enlargement, which I took very seriously, and the other 49 e-mails were confirming my listings on ebay. 49. Duuuuude. That SUCKS.
You must have spent a lot of time individually listing all of those beautiful items after SURREPTITIOUSLY FIGURING OUT MY PASSWORD AND BREAKING IN without my knowledge or consent!
(New Year's 2005 Resolution #293:
And here's where I start to get upset because let's be honest: my password on my ebay account is my old e-mail password. It has sentimental value. Back when I was 14, my parents experimented with a trial version of AOL, my first ever worldwide web experience. I used this password for just about EVERYTHING. Hell, if it makes you feel worse, I'm going to just admit right here and now that my first ever AOL screenname was L24601rent.
If you didn't quite catch that and if I need to mortify myself further, I will break it down for you: that would be "L" for Laura, "24601" for Jean Valjean's number in prison and "rent" because I used to think musicals about AIDS were good ideas. This probably has nothing to do with what I'm talking about but isn't that an AMAZING story!?
(New Year's 2005 Resolution #12, 27, 43-179:
You know, I don't even remember what the password stands for? It's a jumble of letters that do not form a pronounceable word. I don't know what it means. All I know is that I had it for almost TEN YEARS and now because of YOU I have to CHANGE IT. Just like L24601rent, little pieces of my teenhood, dying every single day because of YOU.
I have to change tons of passwords to different websites now because God knows where else you might be lurking. And sir, this just pains me to the core because, I don't know, I'm not good with change. And I'm afraid you're out there somewhere. Just waiting. Waiting for me to change the password again. So you can break back in and steal all $142.67 in my bank account. And this makes me feel VIOLATED.
And kind of special because hey! I'm cool enough for identity theft! Ka CHING!
But I suggest you go elsewhere because you made me very angry. Okay, not really angry. Perhaps, miffed? No matter. At least the ebay execs caught you and sent me an e-mail telling me you are going to stay behind bars for a very long time.
Actually, no, they just said that some "third party" broke in and they restored the security and safety on my account so...whatever it's kind of the same thing as jail.
So, have a blessed holiday. I bet you bought your kids some really nice gifts with all the money you stole from poor unsuspecting ebay bidders. And if you didn't, then you're going to have to explain to your children that there are no gifts this year just like there is no Santa, because daddy is a HEARTLESS ROBBER OF IDENTITY AND EBAY ACCOUNTS.
Tidings of Comfort and Joy,
~Laura
(New Year's 2005 Resolution #2:
4 Comments:
I'd like to point out that in your current blog you use the "strike" feature no less then 3 times. This makes me very pleased...yes very pleased.
Oh also...I'm looking for a girl that might know a thing or two about HTML codes. Know where I could find such a gal?
Mike-
The HTML Code gals can be found at www.awkwardadolescence.com/showtuneobsession/seriously.html
DARN! And I was going to give you the RENT (DVD) which I purchase on eBay and the Les Miserables CD (also bought it on eBay) for Christmas. I'm gonna return them and get a pair of jeans!!! THANKS!
Instead, Dad and I will put a new identity in your stocking!
AND you are SUCH a firstborn with the strike outs as if it was on a list. Did you know firstborn types will put something on a list that they have done and then strike it out!??? GET OUT!
Loved the blog...sorry about the "break-in".
See ya real soon!
Love,
The Mom
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