Good Thing I've Always Been A Good Speller
Today at work, someone asked me to call FedEx to see how long it would take a package to get from here to Kuwait.
The automated FedEx lady is my worst nightmare.
"If you are calling to ship a package, press 1. If you are calling to inquire about a package that has already shipped, press 2. Raise your hands in the air if you think I am the most annoying automated system in the history of life..."
I find the best thing to do with these systems is to start yelling your preference the SECOND the automated lady starts spewing forth her robotic babble. Don't let her even get STARTED, lay the smack down from the get go. Be warned that while effective, this technique will also cause startled looks from coworkers passing by your desk as you frantically scream, "REPRESENTATIVE! REPRESENTATIVE! JUST A REPRESENTATIVE FOR CRYING OUTLOUD!" into the phone. This technique also works well when calling Sprint PCS.
So I was put through to a live, breathing human who, unlike the people at Sprint PCS, spoke English.
"Good afternoon, FedEx," said she.
"Hi," I sighed, "I hate your automated lady."
"What?"
"Nevermind. Can you tell me how many business days it takes for a package to arrive in Kuwait from the States?"
"What is it that you're shipping?"
"Oh, just a bomb," I'm tempted to say.
"Some paperwork," I say instead.
"And what is the zipcode over there?" she asks me.
"Um. I...don't know? I just know the name of the city, Safat."
"Oh, okay," says FedEx Lady.
Then there is a pause. And she continues:
"And how do you spell Kuwait?"
The automated FedEx lady is my worst nightmare.
"If you are calling to ship a package, press 1. If you are calling to inquire about a package that has already shipped, press 2. Raise your hands in the air if you think I am the most annoying automated system in the history of life..."
I find the best thing to do with these systems is to start yelling your preference the SECOND the automated lady starts spewing forth her robotic babble. Don't let her even get STARTED, lay the smack down from the get go. Be warned that while effective, this technique will also cause startled looks from coworkers passing by your desk as you frantically scream, "REPRESENTATIVE! REPRESENTATIVE! JUST A REPRESENTATIVE FOR CRYING OUTLOUD!" into the phone. This technique also works well when calling Sprint PCS.
So I was put through to a live, breathing human who, unlike the people at Sprint PCS, spoke English.
"Good afternoon, FedEx," said she.
"Hi," I sighed, "I hate your automated lady."
"What?"
"Nevermind. Can you tell me how many business days it takes for a package to arrive in Kuwait from the States?"
"What is it that you're shipping?"
"Oh, just a bomb," I'm tempted to say.
"Some paperwork," I say instead.
"And what is the zipcode over there?" she asks me.
"Um. I...don't know? I just know the name of the city, Safat."
"Oh, okay," says FedEx Lady.
Then there is a pause. And she continues:
"And how do you spell Kuwait?"
27 Comments:
The problem is two-fold:
1. Most of the populace has a poor grasp of the (American) English language.
2. Most of the populace has no concept of geography outside of the trailer park they live in.
Fun exercise, see if you can pass 3rd grade geography:
http://reddit.com/goto?rss=true&id=eqbg
This on top of the report earlier that more Americans can name 3 stooges than can name 3 supreme court justices just goes to show that "No Child Left Behind" is a stunning success.
Wait wait wait...
You can't criticize the Administration! I'm gonna lump you in with them there Dixie Chickens and pronounce you anti-American!
Paul, you know durn well that Mr. George W. is a God-fearing Christian man who would never do anyone no harm.
He is protectin' the unborn children and also protectin' us from a horrible group of people that masquerade as normal law-abiding citizens. That's right. The Homosexuals.
Also: This is a war on TERROR.
And let me just say, whoever Terror is, I hope we catch 'em soon and lynch their ASS!
To all concerned:
With regard to the 2 comments left by our first and secondborn children, I have this to say:
"I just give birth to them, I don't explain 'em."
Furthermore, the above comments and opinions do not indicate any support or agreement by the 'rents of the said children.
Your momma needs to tawk to both of ya.
: )
Now, now people. It's spelled: الكويت
But the local, anglocized version is spelled: "Al Kuwayt".
Either way, it can be directly translated to "Kool Aid".
Here's a geography question for you: what's the easternmost state in the U.S.?
It's not what you think (hint: it's also the westernmost).
PICK ME! PICK ME! It's ALASKA! Also, Paul? I totally failed that test. I had no freaking clue Arkansas was in the middle of the US, I was thinking that it was out near California for some reason! Who is a typical self-centered New Yorker? PICK ME! PICK ME!
Alaska of course, but it depends where you measure "east" and "west" from, it's all relative. In my world, longitude and latitude start in New York, New Jersey is a black hole and the entire southern half of the U.S. is like the dark side of the moon. The west coast connects directly using a wormhole so that you can travel there without going through the south/midwest.
I'll say it again, and again and again...I just give birth to 'em, I don't explain 'em...and I also refuse to even start to analyze da nieces and da nephews...that includes YOU Deanna!
Midwest? What's that?
Oh yeah, that's where they slaughter all them animals and the people are covered in pig farm effluent.
Oops. Did I say that? Perhaps that's a bit rough. As Uncle Lee would say, "dispatch" is more proper like.
I TOTALLY vote for the wormhole. But can we bring water when we travel through the wormhole? I don't want to get thirsty.
And can I bring my combustible Dell laptop with me? It only shoots a small amount of flames from the battery...
Water is okay, as are Luna Bars. The Dell laptop? I think you're pushing it a little. But what's the worst that could happen? You blow up Pennsylvania? I've been trying to Ctrl, Alt, Delete that state for years.
Oooh Luna Bars. Chocolate Peppermint Stick.
If my laptop could blow Pennsylvania into NJ's event horizon (being a black hole and all) that would solve a LOT of problems on the eastern seaboard.
Now what to do about Utah? Does the wormhole bypass that one too? Does it make a brief stop in Boulder, CO before continuing on?
I just want to say that I love having this conversation in my comments section and also, I think Paul is the expert on the wormhole and on which cities are included? So Paul? Can you take the lead on this one here? Boulder, CO? The state of Utah? What to do with all them Mormons?
I approve of Chocolate Peppermint Stick and Nutz Over Chocolate though I think it's dumb and excessively girly of the Luna bar people to spell "Nuts" like that.
I expand my previous statements:
I am related to 'em but I don't know 'em...black holes? wormholes? I really should have done drugs, smoked and drank during the pregnancies. It would explain the ideas, ideologies and general craziness.
Oh, Rita! Tis just a wee bit o' physics. Embrace your inner Stephen Hawking (you know he's in there!).
As for the Nutz: you couldn't have "Nuts" because...
nuts = huevos = testicles
...and you certainly can't have THEM in a girly nutrition bar.
By the way, what does all this have to do with the original post?
Woah now I have a REALLY HORRIBLE mental image of a Luna bar featuring "NUTS OVER CHOCOLATE" and wow, I don't want that. Ever.
And you know what? This has NOTHING TO DO with the original post which is why it's freaking fantastic.
So, go comment on the new post instead. STAT!
I suppose Nuts Over Chocolate could be tasty in some circumstances. Well, at least better than plain? I don't think roasted would work.
um, not that I am great at Math or Physics, but roasted=infertile, yes?
Oh, I'd say that you are very good at math. Especially circa 1975. Teehee.
Speaking of math (or maths as they say in the colonies), don't you think it's weird that Rita is about 14 years older than I am and I am about 14 years older than Laura?
Isn't there some highly accurate numerology that can be applied here?
Play Lotto with one of the numbers and let us know.
As for the numerology stuff, I can't even figure out the theology stuff so I wouldn't venture into anything else.
I believe the direction of the wormhole could be changed by warping space time as needed. This would allow visits to Boulder and the occasional trip to Las Vegas. It cannot stop in Utah though, all it takes is one polygamist getting into our world and it will be destroyed. I'll walk down the hall and confirm this with someone who handles astrophysics.
14? hmm...no idea what the significance of that number is (it's not even a cool number like 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974... or Sqrt[2]).
I think it just means that your at the locus equidistance of points on the temporal plane of the family. (Perhaps that means you're the balanced one?)
Um, don't listen or believe anything from Paul. He has to finish Calculus.
I didn't know astrophysicists were also polygamists? Man, and I thought the hydrologists here at work were weird.
I suppose one could argue after reading some of my posts that I'm more likely the "unbalanced" one but given the surrounding company, perhaps I am balanced.
Speaking of calculus (which is the staff of life, by the way and not wine and barley meal, ahem), based on my calculations I do believe that this post will beat out the new one on the number of comments.
And, Paul? I'm noticing you are not giving your impressions on Nuts Over Chocolate.
If Paul does post a comment about Nuts Ovr Chocolate, I am going to puke!
Okay, Paul... you know what to do!
Happy last day at work, Laura! Don't work, um, toooo hard today.
Physicists who are also polygamists? Have you not heard of Richard Feynman and his colorful personal life? Tuva or bust! (I bet they didn't teach Tuvan throat singing in your musical theatre classes Laura).
Yes calculus is the staff of life, I'm back to it after a brief foray in topology, it seems no one accepted my proof of the Poincare conjecture: it is true because I said so dammit. Strange, that proof always worked for my mom when asked to give a reason for something.
To add my comments to the nuts over chocolate discussion: personally I prever chocolate over nuts, but either way they're topologically equivalent so it doesn't matter.
um, you're all nuts!
Oh, how I love Richard Feynman. Damn him for dying of cancer! He claimed later that his relationships with women were wholly misunderstood.
Hailing on all frequencies...
You are all hereby invited to a Labor Day BBQ at my house. What's that you say? You are 3000 miles away and the wormhole is nonfunctional? And the astrophysicists rigged it to only go to Utah? Drat.
And Laura... I was going to serve you a HUGE piece of salmon, since I know you like it so much. Not that nasty smoked stuff though.
Well, if you're in town for the Star Trek 40th Anniversary Gala Celebration and Conference (conference?) in September let me know and I'll hook you up with some grillin'...
"Khan... Khan, you've got Genesis, but you don't have me. You were going to kill me, Khan. You're gonna have to come down here. You're gonna have to come down here!"
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