Okay, so I'm what you might call an "overachiever..."
I did it. I left Buffalo. I really didn't cry the way I thought I would. Leaving my empty apartment is what made me really get close to hysterical. I shut that door for the last time and walked down the steps and Tom was there and he just gave me a look that let me know he understood. It really was so sad. Other than that, I said my goodbyes and hit the road, 400 miles and two bridges later, I arrived back here on the Island. I'm really excited about the next chapter of my life and so the agony of leaving will probably hit me a few weeks after the holiday hype is over. HOWEVER: I'm happy and proud to report that within 48 hours of stepping in my house, I HAVE LANDED A JOB!
I am going back to the company I worked for this summer except they are hiring me directly and not through the temp agency. Apparently, my boss is desperate for me to come back--things aren't getting done, nobody is "as efficient", etc. I usually exaggerate about things but I'm not overdoing it here. It's hard to be so awesome. I would be lying if I said that my boss' compliments didn't make me feel good about myself. Sure, it's not step kick ball change but eh...they miss me. And oh, also:
--The money is brilliant. She doubled my summer salary. I now make more than my mother. (Okay my mother works at a church so of course that would be true, but still.)
--I know how to do all of the work already.
--The company is moving in January and they happen to be moving twenty minutes closer to my house.
--Being that the job is a 9-5 deal, I asked if she would be willing to let me have off a few days every few weeks to go to auditions as I see fit. Her answer? Not a problem.
--I will have more AMAZING stories about the psychotic people that work there including Bob The Engineer who owns a Worm Farm!
Ah my friends. This does make me feel great, especially since as of today, my checking account was $-1.98. Oops! I start work tomorrow and then have Christmas Eve off. And Monday, it begins. Other things coming up:
--Christmas. Shopping is done. My grandfather has taken a turn for the worse and will be missing the holiday. I'm hoping to get to the rehab center later on in the evening on Christmas Eve to bring him his present. Our extended family is so big that we draw names for Christmas presents and I happened to pick my grandfather's. I bought him a beautiful calendar and penned in all the birthdays and anniversaries of his children and grandchildren. I'm so sad to think that he'll be in a hospital instead of with us...but I think a visit will cheer me and him up immensely.
--I cannot stop listening to my new double CD of "Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits". The first CD is "Cool Down" and includes almost ALL of her 1980's/1990's ballads. The second CD is entitled "Throw Down" and includes all remixes of her hits, old and new. It's absolutely brilliant. No one has the chords like Whitney. No one. SHUT UP.
--My self-esteem is really hurting. I'm not sure why. I blame the fact that I've had a major cold and don't want to do anything but sleep and drink tea. I've analyzed it (surprised?) and realized that a lot of the time, I rely on other people to brighten my day or cheer me up. It's kind of sick but it makes sense when I realize that in the same way, I take it upon myself to cheer people up and make them happy. When other people are unhappy, I usually take responsibility and easily take the blame for it even when it's entirely unnecessary.
I feel very isolated and unfit. It's nothing major, just a tiny nagging, "You suck at that, you're too fat, you are unproductive." Those are the usual whispers that enter my brain when I have a break from a busy schedule. I need to start making my own self happy and stop looking for other people to do it. As crazy as it is, I am so eager to start work tomorrow and get myself on track. I need a set routine to get into and having a steady job always always helps. I need to be very careful with my money too because I know that NYC apartment is only a few months away! AHHHHHHHHHH! It also helps to have that insight so that I know I will not be working this ridiculous job for the rest of my life.
I have a lot of goals already set and with New Year's right around the corner, they fit perfectly into a resolution list of sorts. Of course I have the typical: lose weight, eat more fiber, etc. but I'm really interested in the concept of making myself whole and happy.
The other major resolution is to be a little kinder. I'm pretty nice to lots of people but I know that once I get rolling with my sense of humor, I can be horribly cruel. Tommy and I really know how to pack some swift punches and we do it because it's funny. Sometimes I stoop too low just for a laugh and I want to calm down a bit and stop judging people so harshly. The problem is that I'm not vicious and so I don't realize I've hurt people til after the fact. I usually just think it's amusing. When my self-esteem is low as it is right now, I feel like the world's meanest person and the biggest failure of all time. Just tell me I'm not.
Please?
Thanks. Peace.
I am going back to the company I worked for this summer except they are hiring me directly and not through the temp agency. Apparently, my boss is desperate for me to come back--things aren't getting done, nobody is "as efficient", etc. I usually exaggerate about things but I'm not overdoing it here. It's hard to be so awesome. I would be lying if I said that my boss' compliments didn't make me feel good about myself. Sure, it's not step kick ball change but eh...they miss me. And oh, also:
--The money is brilliant. She doubled my summer salary. I now make more than my mother. (Okay my mother works at a church so of course that would be true, but still.)
--I know how to do all of the work already.
--The company is moving in January and they happen to be moving twenty minutes closer to my house.
--Being that the job is a 9-5 deal, I asked if she would be willing to let me have off a few days every few weeks to go to auditions as I see fit. Her answer? Not a problem.
--I will have more AMAZING stories about the psychotic people that work there including Bob The Engineer who owns a Worm Farm!
Ah my friends. This does make me feel great, especially since as of today, my checking account was $-1.98. Oops! I start work tomorrow and then have Christmas Eve off. And Monday, it begins. Other things coming up:
--Christmas. Shopping is done. My grandfather has taken a turn for the worse and will be missing the holiday. I'm hoping to get to the rehab center later on in the evening on Christmas Eve to bring him his present. Our extended family is so big that we draw names for Christmas presents and I happened to pick my grandfather's. I bought him a beautiful calendar and penned in all the birthdays and anniversaries of his children and grandchildren. I'm so sad to think that he'll be in a hospital instead of with us...but I think a visit will cheer me and him up immensely.
--I cannot stop listening to my new double CD of "Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits". The first CD is "Cool Down" and includes almost ALL of her 1980's/1990's ballads. The second CD is entitled "Throw Down" and includes all remixes of her hits, old and new. It's absolutely brilliant. No one has the chords like Whitney. No one. SHUT UP.
--My self-esteem is really hurting. I'm not sure why. I blame the fact that I've had a major cold and don't want to do anything but sleep and drink tea. I've analyzed it (surprised?) and realized that a lot of the time, I rely on other people to brighten my day or cheer me up. It's kind of sick but it makes sense when I realize that in the same way, I take it upon myself to cheer people up and make them happy. When other people are unhappy, I usually take responsibility and easily take the blame for it even when it's entirely unnecessary.
I feel very isolated and unfit. It's nothing major, just a tiny nagging, "You suck at that, you're too fat, you are unproductive." Those are the usual whispers that enter my brain when I have a break from a busy schedule. I need to start making my own self happy and stop looking for other people to do it. As crazy as it is, I am so eager to start work tomorrow and get myself on track. I need a set routine to get into and having a steady job always always helps. I need to be very careful with my money too because I know that NYC apartment is only a few months away! AHHHHHHHHHH! It also helps to have that insight so that I know I will not be working this ridiculous job for the rest of my life.
I have a lot of goals already set and with New Year's right around the corner, they fit perfectly into a resolution list of sorts. Of course I have the typical: lose weight, eat more fiber, etc. but I'm really interested in the concept of making myself whole and happy.
The other major resolution is to be a little kinder. I'm pretty nice to lots of people but I know that once I get rolling with my sense of humor, I can be horribly cruel. Tommy and I really know how to pack some swift punches and we do it because it's funny. Sometimes I stoop too low just for a laugh and I want to calm down a bit and stop judging people so harshly. The problem is that I'm not vicious and so I don't realize I've hurt people til after the fact. I usually just think it's amusing. When my self-esteem is low as it is right now, I feel like the world's meanest person and the biggest failure of all time. Just tell me I'm not.
Please?
Thanks. Peace.
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